Fans Await Word On Lutfy

Norfolk, MA – When a key member of the Penguins’ Old Man Line did not check-in before the game last night, the Penguins’ front-office knew it had to be serious. All day the players awaited word from their OML center John Lutfy, however, it never came. Emotions ran from mild concern, to utter hysteria, when it was clear that Lutfy wouldn’t be checking-in with the team.

“We knew it had to be serious,” admitted Jefe Del Huevo, team captain. “There are just too many ways for a person to get in touch with the team, for anyone not to respond at all. There’s email, phone and texting. When we didn’t hear from him, we knew it must be serious, and we feared for Lutfy’s life.”

With concern running rampant, both Tragakis and Eighmy raced-over to Lutfy’s house after the game, where they were shocked to find an all-night candlelight vigil underway. Thousands of somber fans stood in silence throughout the night, awaiting word from Lutfy or his family as to his condition.

“An hour before the game, we knew something was very wrong,” stated Tragakis, who stood in the snow among the throngs of fans, who had gathered on Lutfy’s front-lawn. “Someone would have to be very, very sick to be so weak that they couldn’t even text the team of their status. We immediately feared the worst, and can only hope that his family is holding-up during his time of need. We have already set a schedule so everyone can bring the family food, during what must be a very, very trying time.”

During the vigil, there was one glimmer of hope, when a tired and emaciated Lutfy, who was wearing a Penguins bathrobe, was lifted to the window in his Lazy-boy recliner, so he could see his fans. When he appeared in the window, the fans began to chant, and the sound of a lone bag-pipe and the Penguins Fight Song could be heard from across the field adjacent to the house. Unfortunately, Lutfy was too weak to raise his arms, and could only mouth the words ‘Thank you’ or ‘F-you’ to his fans, no one is quite sure which. The inability to raise his arms was all the confirmation the players and fans needed, to understand why he was unable to reach-out to the team.

“I will not leave until he is better,” said Linda Malloy, a fan of the Provo Penguins, who was setting-up a tent in the front lawn. “My sister, who was in a coma for five years, was able to text me from her hospital bed when she came out of it. It must be really bad, or John surely would have reached out to his team, in order to let them know if he was in or out for the game. Our hearts and prayers are with the Lutfys right now.”

For now, the vigil will continue until some sense can be made of this terrible situation. 800# hot-lines have been established for those grieving fans, unable to cope with his absence. One fan’s sign, which was nailed to an oak tree by Lutfy’s driveway, said it all: “Get better Lutfy, you sick bastard!”