Walpole, MA – There was a time when a man’s word was his bond. Today, that bond has been broken. Although the Leafs beat the Penguins by a score of 3-2, the win comes at a cost to hockey and humanity as a whole. Those in attendance were left wondering if anything left in the world was sacred.
“It is an abomination,” commented Brad Malloy, spokesman for the Provo Penguins. “How the Leafs won is probably the saddest display I’ve ever seen in hockey, or any sport for that matter. We’d complain to the league, but for obvious reasons, that would do us no good.”
What Malloy and the entire hockey world witnessed, was a Leafs team that took advantage of their connection with the league, in order to create an unfair advantage that ultimately led to the Penguins loss.
“It goes without saying that we were shafted,” stated Eighmy after the game. “The game was delayed [expletive] twenty-minutes, for [expletive] sake! It is obvious to me this was intentional, and it obviously had repercussions to the outcome of the game. How can our guys be expected maintain their schedules, effectively do their pre-game rituals, and get home to their families when they said they would, when we have a delay of this magnitude? I’ll tell you how, they can’t! That's what ultimately led to the loss.”
The Penguins managed to tie the Leafs in the 2nd period, off the second goal from Sniper. However, with less than a minute to play, the Leafs played with the emotionally distraught minds of the Penguins, who were still reeling from the 20-minute delay, and took the lead with a shot from the point to win the game.
“It is what it is,” commented Bud Rowlins, VP Operations for the NESHL. “According to our website the game happened at 9:30 pm, as planned. We will not look into this, and never will. The book is closed as far as we are concerned. The Penguins lost and they suck. We are all big Maple Leafs fans here in the front-office. I shouldn’t say that, but I there..I just did! We love the Leafs! They are our favorite team and we will do anything to help them win…not that we did, but we would!”
Even though Bilbo had seven failed scoring chances in front of the net, and the Hickey brothers were not in attendance, the Penguins are not making excuses.
“It has nothing to do with our team missing players,” said Lutfy, during his post-game press-conference. “We are not making any excuses. It is obvious it was the 20-minute delay, anyway. So there is no sense in making any excuses.”
Next week, the Penguins will take on The Herd. Whether they have connections to the league, and can get the game delayed is yet to be seen. But all eyes will be at Iorio for puck drop, next Monday night, to find out.
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