The Provo Liquor Penguins have officially begun their Angry Penguin Northern North American Tour, and are planning on making stops in six cities, including; Buffalo, Chicago, Des Moines, Rapid City, Miles City and Saskatoon Canada.
Senior Walpole Hockey Insider Magazine’s own Bud Rinkle, has been allowed the privilege of riding along with the Penguins and documenting the tour from the inside out. This is a never before seen insider view of a hockey team on the road, bringing you the sights and sounds along the way.
After many delays, the team finally arrives in Buffalo, New York.
Day(s) 4-7:
Update from Bud Rinkle – Although it was supposed to be an 8-hour drive, it took us six days to get to Buffalo, where we arrived Sunday night at midnight. Without internet connection, I was unable to update you until now. Here is a quick summary of the events that transpired:
We left Walpole, and made it only a five miles to Dedham where the bus broke down with engine trouble. We remained at the Amtrak station on Route 128 for five days. During this time, the players went ‘native’, and began forming ‘tribal units’ based on hockey jersey color. The ‘dark’ colored jerseys became the more violent tribe, who began attacking the ‘light’ colored jerseys who were more docile. A few of the ‘lights’ were injured, including Roode 2, who may have actually lost his kidney. The Lights finally formed an alliance with the ‘police’ in the station, and were for the most part left alone after that, and they went back to planting vegetables along the walkways of the terminal.
By day five, the players lost all sense of reality, and began lighting fires in the Amtrak station, and at one point even set a small dog on fire. I witnessed first-hand, Kenney offering-up a small child to the ‘Gods of Hockey’, in a very ritualistic sacrifice. At this point, there was blood and feces spread across the entire station, and disease was beginning to run rampant. If it weren’t for the bus finally being fixed, there would have been countless deaths. Luckily, the bus was fixed and everyone boarded the bus once again.
We arrived in Buffalo New York at midnight on Sunday night.
Monday –
No one actually booked a reservation, and ‘surprisingly’, no hotel could fit 17 players, plus me and the driver. We had a fitful sleep in the bus last night and woke-up to cheering fans in the parking lot, which was disconcerting considering most of us slept ‘commando’ style.
Unfortunately, some of the ‘fans’ turned out to be from the border patrol, who boarded the bus and took Bilbo into custody. Apparently he was being extradited back to Canada once again for bootlegging Celine Dion CD’s. Bilbo promised to catch-up to us once his ‘hoser of a lawyer got him off, heh!’.
At noon the entire team went to the HSBC Arena for an exhibition game against the Buffalo Mighty-Mights youth team, where the Penguins proceeded to hammer the 10-year-olds up and down the ice. Unfortunately they still lost 10-8.
After the game, the John Duggan, Mayor of Buffalo presented the team with a key to the city. Curchin spent the entire rest of the afternoon looking for the ‘giant door’ that the key would open. No one had the heart to tell him it was only a ceremonial gesture…besides it kept Curchin occupied for hours.
Everyone is excited about heading out to Chicago tomorrow. The team even called ahead to make a reservation for two rooms at the Motel 8. With only 8-9 people in a room, it should be a lot more comfortable than the bus.
l
The Provo Liquor Penguins Full Schedule
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
North American Tour Has Rocky Start
The Provo Liquor Penguins have officially begun their Angry Penguin Northern North American Tour, and are planning on making stops in six cities, including; Buffalo, Chicago, Des Moines, Rapid City, Miles City and Saskatoon Canada. The tour signifies the end of the Summer Season and marks the beginning of the upcoming Winter Season. The team is using this opportunity to celebrate the game of hockey with their fans all across America, and will play in an exhibition hockey game against the Guatemalan Junior ‘B’ side hockey team at the end of the tour in Saskatoon.
Senior Walpole Hockey Insider Magazine’s own Bud Rinkle, has been allowed the privilege of riding along with the Penguins and documenting the tour from the inside out. This is a never before seen insider view of a hockey team on the road, bringing you the sights and sounds along the way.
Day 1 –
8:00 a.m.
There was an excitement in the air at the parking lot of the Iorio Arena, when the freshly painted Penguin tour bus arrived in all its glory. The tour bus, on loan from Aerosmith, had gone through a series of alterations in order to customize it for the Provo Liquor Penguins, including the introduction of the Angry Penguin moniker painted on all sides, and pictures of each player carefully detailed around the bus. When the bus rolled into the lot, the fans began clamoring uncontrollably from behind the temporary chain-link fence that had been installed. The bus is set to take off at 10:00 a.m.
9:00 a.m.
The first of the Penguins players arrived, and were carefully escorted to the bus. A few players, including Youngblood, Hickey, Tragakis and Lutfy signed autographs and greeted the fans enthusiastically.
9:30 a.m.
The remaining players arrived, except for Roode 1. There are rumors swirling that Roode 1 had one more lawn to mow before his boss would let him go. If you thought he was angry in game 5 against the Scorpions last season you haven’t seen anything yet.
10:00 a.m.
Departure delayed still waiting for Roode 1.
11:00 a.m.
Roode 1 arrives and quickly greets fans. He punches-out one fan that got too close, but the fan took it all in stride and asked him to ‘sign his broken jaw’. These fans are great!
11:30 a.m.
The tour is still delayed. Apparently the players could not find the child-booster seat for Hickey. Luckily a fan decided to make her child walk the twenty miles home, and let the team use her child seat. Hickey was quickly strapped in and ready to roll with his Etch-a-Sketch in-hand.
12:00 p.m.
Tour bus once again delayed. The scorekeeper who had offered to drive did not show-up. Apparently he was the same guy that did not show-up for the three games during the season. Luckily, the referee that looks like the magician from Frosty the Snowman arrived and will drive the bus. As he hates the team, he climbed on board and warned the entire bus to ‘leave him the [expletive] alone’. There is some animosity on the bus, and Kenney began arguing with him over his planned route.
12:30 p.m.
Dimock left the bus. Apparently he has his own bus picking him up, which arrived moments ago. This bus is outfitted with pictures of Dimock all across the bus. Apparently, his bus will follow the tour bus, but he plans on dining with the team from ‘time to time’.
1:00 p.m.
Wilmot called in for a Walpole police escort. It was a lot of fun watching a few fans run from the cops, only to realize it was a police escort. Even Mearn ran to the bathroom and flushed something down the toilet. He was disappointed when he realized the police were there as an escort too!
2:00 p.m.
Finally! After a four hour delay, the tour has officially kicked off. A few fans threw rocks and bottles at the bus, and were quickly arrested. Appears they were from The Herd hockey team. With fans screaming, players drinking, the tour is finally under-way. Buffalo here we come!
More from Bud Rinkle in tomorrow's blog
Senior Walpole Hockey Insider Magazine’s own Bud Rinkle, has been allowed the privilege of riding along with the Penguins and documenting the tour from the inside out. This is a never before seen insider view of a hockey team on the road, bringing you the sights and sounds along the way.
Day 1 –
8:00 a.m.
There was an excitement in the air at the parking lot of the Iorio Arena, when the freshly painted Penguin tour bus arrived in all its glory. The tour bus, on loan from Aerosmith, had gone through a series of alterations in order to customize it for the Provo Liquor Penguins, including the introduction of the Angry Penguin moniker painted on all sides, and pictures of each player carefully detailed around the bus. When the bus rolled into the lot, the fans began clamoring uncontrollably from behind the temporary chain-link fence that had been installed. The bus is set to take off at 10:00 a.m.
9:00 a.m.
The first of the Penguins players arrived, and were carefully escorted to the bus. A few players, including Youngblood, Hickey, Tragakis and Lutfy signed autographs and greeted the fans enthusiastically.
9:30 a.m.
The remaining players arrived, except for Roode 1. There are rumors swirling that Roode 1 had one more lawn to mow before his boss would let him go. If you thought he was angry in game 5 against the Scorpions last season you haven’t seen anything yet.
10:00 a.m.
Departure delayed still waiting for Roode 1.
11:00 a.m.
Roode 1 arrives and quickly greets fans. He punches-out one fan that got too close, but the fan took it all in stride and asked him to ‘sign his broken jaw’. These fans are great!
11:30 a.m.
The tour is still delayed. Apparently the players could not find the child-booster seat for Hickey. Luckily a fan decided to make her child walk the twenty miles home, and let the team use her child seat. Hickey was quickly strapped in and ready to roll with his Etch-a-Sketch in-hand.
12:00 p.m.
Tour bus once again delayed. The scorekeeper who had offered to drive did not show-up. Apparently he was the same guy that did not show-up for the three games during the season. Luckily, the referee that looks like the magician from Frosty the Snowman arrived and will drive the bus. As he hates the team, he climbed on board and warned the entire bus to ‘leave him the [expletive] alone’. There is some animosity on the bus, and Kenney began arguing with him over his planned route.
12:30 p.m.
Dimock left the bus. Apparently he has his own bus picking him up, which arrived moments ago. This bus is outfitted with pictures of Dimock all across the bus. Apparently, his bus will follow the tour bus, but he plans on dining with the team from ‘time to time’.
1:00 p.m.
Wilmot called in for a Walpole police escort. It was a lot of fun watching a few fans run from the cops, only to realize it was a police escort. Even Mearn ran to the bathroom and flushed something down the toilet. He was disappointed when he realized the police were there as an escort too!
2:00 p.m.
Finally! After a four hour delay, the tour has officially kicked off. A few fans threw rocks and bottles at the bus, and were quickly arrested. Appears they were from The Herd hockey team. With fans screaming, players drinking, the tour is finally under-way. Buffalo here we come!
More from Bud Rinkle in tomorrow's blog
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
A 'Perfect Storm' On Ice
Foxboro, MA – It took a younger team to do it, but the teenage kids from the Icemen took the Penguins down in dramatic fashion last night at the Foxboro Sports Center. The Penguins put on a display of both hockey prowess, and cage-match style fighting. The debacle all began with a series of unfortunate events.
With over an hour delay to the start of the game, a few Penguins players were on their way to the 24-hour Foxboro Library, looking for books on hockey strategy. On their way, it appears that the driver got lost, and they accidently ended up at the Piccadilly Tavern. Additionally, with the average age of the Icemen hovering at 15-years-old, there was an excess of teenage hormones on the ice. A few Icemen players were also having adverse reactions to the heavy dose of prescription acne medicine that their doctor had prescribed.
In short, it quickly became a 'Perfect Storm' on Ice. All forces came together for one night, during one game, and led to a display never seen before by an empty arena. With no one around to see it, the fights broke out often, and left one Penguins player with a bloody lip, and an Iceman player with a broken nose. The blood was spilled freely, and feelings were hurt.
“I’m just happy we got out of there alive,” admitted one Icemen’s player. “When my mom pulled up in her car to pick me up, I ran out as fast as I could with my hockey-bag and jumped in the car. I don’t think she was suspicious, but she did smell my breath for alcohol, which cracks me up because I was completely stoned on the Whip-its, we were doing in the locker-room!”
With the Penguins season resting on the outcome of the game, the team put in a solid effort. But it was not enough to overcome little Jimmy from the Icemen, who scored 6 goals by himself. Jimmy is also the star forward for the Walpole Warriors High School hockey team, and an avid I-Carly fan.
“I’m not sure what happened,” admitted Sniper after the game. “One minute I was knee-deep in head bashing, and the next thing you know I’m on the outside looking in. I just wish there weren’t so much violence. I’m a lover not a fighter! To be honest, it was also tough to find my way out of the rink. There are a lot of doors!”
One incident did arise in the Penguins locker-room, when Curchin lashed out at the team for going after his peers. According to statements taken after the game, Curchin felt ‘closer in age’ to the Icemen, and that it was hard ‘skating with grown-ups and not friends’ during games. The team apparently took it all in good spirit however, and just gave him an Atomic Wedgie. According to his doctor, there should be no long term affects from the wedgie, and he should be release from the hospital later today.
The loss marks the end of the season for the Provo Penguins, but it also marks the start of something new for the team, bringing a new brand of Mixed Martial Arts to the ice. The Penguins have nearly a month to polish off their new brand of hockey, before the upcoming Winter Season.
“I don’t really know what to say,” stated a weary Hombre Del Huevo. “We are Penguins. Our angry penguin will rise again from the ashes, and will soar like only a penguin can! I mean, I know penguins can’t fly and all that, but I think you know what I mean. We will be victorious, or we will kill a few people trying!!”
With over an hour delay to the start of the game, a few Penguins players were on their way to the 24-hour Foxboro Library, looking for books on hockey strategy. On their way, it appears that the driver got lost, and they accidently ended up at the Piccadilly Tavern. Additionally, with the average age of the Icemen hovering at 15-years-old, there was an excess of teenage hormones on the ice. A few Icemen players were also having adverse reactions to the heavy dose of prescription acne medicine that their doctor had prescribed.
In short, it quickly became a 'Perfect Storm' on Ice. All forces came together for one night, during one game, and led to a display never seen before by an empty arena. With no one around to see it, the fights broke out often, and left one Penguins player with a bloody lip, and an Iceman player with a broken nose. The blood was spilled freely, and feelings were hurt.
“I’m just happy we got out of there alive,” admitted one Icemen’s player. “When my mom pulled up in her car to pick me up, I ran out as fast as I could with my hockey-bag and jumped in the car. I don’t think she was suspicious, but she did smell my breath for alcohol, which cracks me up because I was completely stoned on the Whip-its, we were doing in the locker-room!”
With the Penguins season resting on the outcome of the game, the team put in a solid effort. But it was not enough to overcome little Jimmy from the Icemen, who scored 6 goals by himself. Jimmy is also the star forward for the Walpole Warriors High School hockey team, and an avid I-Carly fan.
“I’m not sure what happened,” admitted Sniper after the game. “One minute I was knee-deep in head bashing, and the next thing you know I’m on the outside looking in. I just wish there weren’t so much violence. I’m a lover not a fighter! To be honest, it was also tough to find my way out of the rink. There are a lot of doors!”
One incident did arise in the Penguins locker-room, when Curchin lashed out at the team for going after his peers. According to statements taken after the game, Curchin felt ‘closer in age’ to the Icemen, and that it was hard ‘skating with grown-ups and not friends’ during games. The team apparently took it all in good spirit however, and just gave him an Atomic Wedgie. According to his doctor, there should be no long term affects from the wedgie, and he should be release from the hospital later today.
The loss marks the end of the season for the Provo Penguins, but it also marks the start of something new for the team, bringing a new brand of Mixed Martial Arts to the ice. The Penguins have nearly a month to polish off their new brand of hockey, before the upcoming Winter Season.
“I don’t really know what to say,” stated a weary Hombre Del Huevo. “We are Penguins. Our angry penguin will rise again from the ashes, and will soar like only a penguin can! I mean, I know penguins can’t fly and all that, but I think you know what I mean. We will be victorious, or we will kill a few people trying!!”
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