Foxboro, MA – In what can only be considered the greatest game of their lives, the Penguins ran rampant on the Mighty Drunks, beating them unmercifully 7-3 in front of a packed-house in Foxboro. The Penguins dominated the tilt from the first puck-drop, scoring three quick goals in the first 5-minutes of play.
“The team played very well,” noted Jacques Douchey, head coach of the Penguins. “I was impressed with how they performed especially considering the fact that our players are mighty drunks themselves, so was glad there was no confusion on the ice.”
Goals were scored by Wallace, Wilmot, Tragakis and McCauley who had four-skin (four goals on the night), marking the first four goal game since the departure of Hickey in ’11.
“It was great to see McCauley out there playing his brand of hockey,” admitted Tragakis after the game. “He came out solid which means I am guaranteed a call from Lawler this morning asking me who the ‘ringer’ was that we brought in and telling me that we need to move him up to another division…or move him back to the Maple Leafs. Somehow it will end-up benefiting Lawler in the end.”
With the image of Wallace going down onto the ground screaming “Whyyyyyyy!!!!”; still fresh in our minds, the team got good news when Wallace was cleared to play moments before the game. Wallace was cleared to play just moments before the game with what was termed a ‘terrible pebble problem’. With Wallace free from pebbles, he was a force to be reckoned with on the ice.
“As my agent said last week, it was a pretty big pebble,” stated Wallace during his post-game interview. “The team has started to call me ‘Bam Bam’, because I had pebbles. All I can say is I am lucky to be alive right now! I am just glad a surgeon was able to remove the pebble before it got infected or actually broke the skin.”
One negative on the night, Gugs showed up late for the 11th consecutive time in 11 games, forcing the team to reevaluate his status.
“We do not discuss personnel issues outside of the locker room,” stated assistant Penguins’ coach Pierre Montembeau. “When a player like Gugs shows up at the last minute, or completely late to the point where he is skating onto the ice in the middle of the 1st period, it is an internal matter. His issue of not being able to get to the locker room in a timely manner is between us and the player. Our frustration at this wasted talent and absolute disregard for team policy is something we will handle internally. We do not discuss major issues like this in front of the media. We never have and never will. We would never want this cataclysmic riff between us and Gugs getting out to the public. That is just our policy.”
Also of mention, long-time great Youngblood is now tied for second place in points, having been passed by Bam Bam. Leaving all to wonder if the once dominant Youngblood has lost his step due to old age or if he just isn’t getting a decent ‘spark’ before the games.
“This isn’t funny,” commented a visibly agitated Youngblood after the game. “If you have a nasty bowl you can’t get a goal. A lousy joint means no points. If it’s bad weed I can’t be in the lead!”
Next up for the Penguins, the ever-nasty A1 Concrete team, a match-up to end all match-ups.
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