Walpole, MA – The Penguins laid it all on the line last night, only to come up short against the Dead Rabbits in what can only be called the ‘greatest game of their lives’. The loss is the team’s first in five games, and marks a turning point for the team.
“Our chemistry is really starting to gel,” stated Tragakis after the game. “It is the first time that the team has really come together. We put aside our differences and veterans as well as rookies took to the ice as a single force to be reckoned with. We even brought in a new guy with a mustache, which is pretty cool. We don’t have anyone with a mustache on the team so this puts us on par with the Big Bad Bruins and trashy porn of the 70’s. So it is all good!”
The new guy Tragakis was referring too was Moura, who was pulled up from the Saskatchawan Arctic Ass Cats junior hockey team. Moura has speed, skill and one hell of a mustache. There is concern however that his presence could single-handedly bring back the infamous ‘Wilmont’s Wild Mustache Rides’ in the locker room, an event which scarred everyone in the past.
Although the Penguins lost the game, there was a solid effort all around, with goals coming from Almeida, Andrews and Lutfy. Unfortunately, Almeida did suffer a setback during the game.
“We have been working very hard to help Almeida,” confirmed team doctor, Dr. Jack Mehoff. “As some of you may have noticed, he has been on edge. We are designing what we call the “Chill Pill” however we have no idea if it can help him. He continues to get very, very upset when anyone touches him, looks at him, skates near him or is on the same rink as he is when he is playing hockey. If the pill works, we hope to reduce his PIM by up to 20%, knocking it down to 200 penalty minutes per season.”
Next up, the Penguins take on the Maple Leafs on December 9th, where they hope to get back to their non-losing ways.
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