Penguins Suck, Wilson Named MVP

Dedham, MA - Last night the Penguins lost to the Old Dogs by a score of 2-1, giving up the winning goal with less than 30-seconds to go in the game. The lone goal for the Penguins was scored by S-Hickey, the only Hickey to actually care about the team, with Tragakis and Wilmot pitching in for the assist.

"To be honest, it really stinks," commented Wilmot during his post-game press conference. "I served up a beautiful pass to Tragakis, right across the crease, and the old bastard missed it. If this is the way it is going to be I will miss the next pass he gives me as well. I can and will do that all day long, damn it!"

In what can only be considered disturbing news for the team, Pat Hickey refused to show-up once again for the game, this time citing his need to compete at a higher level.

"It was a Dungeons and Dragons tournament," Pat stated from his phone. "I have this elf now with really cool invisibility powers, and magic slippers! I had to roll the dice tonight and see if I could reclaim the Land Of Orn and be supreme ruler. Sorry about missing the game, but this was really important!"

The loss hurts and sucks. The team is devastated, and everyone wants to puke. With that said, the goalie, which like Prince and Madonna only goes by the single name 'Wilson' filled in for Roode 1 and showed extreme prowess. Wilson stepped into the crease and proved to the world that magic can happen not only on a D&D board but on the ice!

Wilson put on a show for the players and fans alike, demonstrating goalie skills unseen in NESHL history. Although he allowed the last goal with under 30-seconds to go in the game, Wilson still received the Jefe Del Huevo Game MVP award for his solid effort.

“I was promised a solid defense during the game and a cold beer in the locker room,” Wilson said after the game. “I would have been happy with either one to be honest but neither of them? Who the hell is Youngblood and why did he make a promise he could not keep? As God is my witness I have never been lied to or cheated like I was tonight! Youngblood will rue the day he brought sunshine into all of our lives by saying he would bring beer, only to rip our hearts out and stomp on our intestines by not bringing the damn beer! I will destroy him the next time I see him! What is it with this team they didn’t even bring water for the bench?! You bunch of non-hydrating mother-[expletive]’s!!!!”