Penguins Downed by Leafs

Foxboro, MA – What had been deemed the ‘Greatest Game of Their Lives’, last night’s game between the Penguins and the Maple Leafs has now been downgraded to nothing more than a fun night out with the boys. With the downgrade, the Penguins loss is a mere hiccup in the long Winter Season, and has no more significance than a casual afternoon pick-up game.

“We thought it was a huge game,” admitted Tragakis after the game. “However, after further evaluation, and seeing how we lost, we now realize that it was just another game in the regular season. It was nothing to really get worked up about. Our next game however, is definitely the biggest game of our lives!”

The Penguins started the game off strong, with goals coming from Sniper and Lufty, however the Maple Leafs managed to score four-times in the 1st, deflating the tires of the Penguins Goalie, Roode 1.

“I don’t know what happened,” Roode 1 said, shaking his head in disgust. “I’m playing with a broken hand, but that is no excuse. I’m missing my spleen, and I have a ruptured appendix, but again no excuses! Unfortunately, the doctor says I also need a quadruple liver by-pass, as that is not functioning correctly either, but he wants to wait on this until I have my collapsed lung fixed. Of course I can barely stand in the crease with my fractured fibula or tibia, I can’t remember which, but no excuses from my side!”

The Penguins managed to score two more goals, as S-Hickey scored in the 2nd and Sniper scored his second goal of the night in the 3rd period. But it was not enough to overcome the Leafs who slowed the puck down and seemed to use some form of mind-control to will the puck past Roode 1.
With final score of 6-4, the Penguins once again lose to the vaunted Leafs.

“It is difficult to take,” admitted P-Hickey. “I could have gone to see that new Smurf movie, but instead I decide to show-up to a losing game. Next time it is popcorn and a front-row seat at the Regal Cinema for this cat!”

Prior to the game, one player, Bilbo checked-in as active but did not show for the game. Apparently, Bilbo was busy doubling the number of Dunkin Donuts stores in his neighborhood, and he now owns eight stores all on the same block.

“You can’t have enough doughnuts,” Bilbo commented during a post-game phone call. “The way I see it, you can now walk into one of my Dunkin Donuts, and buy a coffee. You can then walk out, and enter another one of my Dunkin Donuts and buy a muffin or a breakfast sandwich. And you can do this now all the way down the block until you are full or sick. Whichever comes first. Or if you have eight guys you don’t like, you can all go into a different one of my Dunkin Donuts and not see each other. The possibilities are endless!”

The Penguins will get another shot at taking down the Leafs in two weeks, but must first get through the Old Dogs this Tuesday night at 10:10 PM at Boch Ice Arena in Dedham.