Walpole, MA - After taking on their archrivals The Herd, the Penguins began five-a-day practices in order to prepare for Analog. All practice sessions have been behind closed-doors, and rumor has it that the players have refrained from eating or drinking the entire week leading up to the game.
"Not eating or drinking before a big sporting event may be considered radical to some people," admitted Samu Gupta, spiritual advisor to the Penguins. "But a Penguin that is full excrement cannot soar. Nothing coming out your hole, means you will score a goal!"
Although players have been off-limits to the media, the front-office held one press-conference before the game, allowing the president and general manager of the club Jacques Dupuis to provide his thoughts on the upcoming game.
"This will be a tough game for sure," stated Dupuis. "Analog has been a worthy adversary for many years, so from the Penguins organization all the way down to the individual players, we are not taking this game lightly. Our job is to combat their slew of ringers with better conditioning, and the whole voided-bowel thing. Not sure how that really works, but after two losses in a row we will try anything!"
The game is slated for 9:10pm in Foxboro, this coming Sunday night, and could prove to be a bloodbath. With the league commissioner on vacation, the referees will have to rely on officiating, and not picking favorites to manage the game.
"It could be tough," said the referee that looks like the Family Guy. "Normally we get an envelope with some cash and a note on who should win or lose that night's game. I will have to re-read the rule book, we will be on our own for this game! I'm nervous!"
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