Penguins-UP!

Walpole, MA – Angry…that is the only word that can be used to describe last night’s referee. He was an angry, bitter little man, but even that did not put a damper on the outcome of last night’s dismantling of the Scorpions by the Penguins.

“It put a little damper on the night,” commented a dejected Matty Dimock. “I threw myself out of the game, and sat myself in the locker-room. It is the first time I’ve had to take such drastic measures with myself, but the angry ref really got to me, so I took myself out of the game and gave myself a timeout. I feel a little better now.”

The Penguins came out strong in the first period, with Sniper snapping a blistering shot past the Scorpions’ goalie. However, the Scorpions stormed back and tied the game later in the 1st period, when Roode 1 came 30 yards out of the net to stop the puck. Strangely, the Scorpions were able to score on Kenney who stood between the posts, wishing he could pick-up his stick a little more easily.

“It was really frustrating,” admitted Curchin after the game. “I had an assist on that first goal, and when I’m assisting like a mother-[expletive], I don’t like to lose, especially when the referee is such an angry, spiteful person. Besides I haven't had a point in the last 134 games, so this is big!”

The wheels seemed to come off the Penguins bus in the 2nd period, when the Scorpions took a 2-1 lead. Roode 1 did all he could do to keep the puck out of the net, at times channeling Tim Thomas in what will surely be hours and hours of goalie prowess on the NESHL highlight reel.

“I did things in the crease last night that are illegal in some states,” stated Roode 1 during his post-game press conference. “Wilmot wouldn’t even do some of things I was doing in the crease…well he probably would, but even he would be embarrassed.”

Behind by a goal, the Penguins rallied on the bench and put on what can only be described as hockey “shock and awe”. Goals came fast and furiously in the period, with goals coming from Youngblood, Lutfy, Sniper, and two goals to cap off the night from Roode 2. The first of which was a blistering one-timer from the point that was clocked at 245 m.p.h..

“It was amazing,” said Bill Conner, the man that clocked the shot. “I’ve clocked shots from big Z on the Bruins, and this one was by far and away the most amazing shot I’ve ever clocked. I am just happy to be a part of history. Roode 2 is an inspiration to hockey and the entire world!”

Where things got real ugly, was when the angry referee took his emotional issues out on the Penguins players. The Penguins racked-up more penalty minutes in the night than they have for the entire year – with 10 minutes in penalties, all coming from the angry referee.

“It is a shame that the Angry One, that is what we call him, took out his anger on the Penguins,” commented Jason Dutton, spokesman for the NESHL. “So far we have put that referee through 76 hours of anger management classes, and still it has had no effect. We will next try electro-shock therapy to see if we can finally get him on-board with our program. We want nothing but the best referees out there, and with a few more years of therapy, we think he can be on par with the best we’ve got!”

The Penguins will next take on the Old Dogs on Tuesday November 22nd in Foxboro. As of last night, the Old Dogs and the Penguins have near identical records with the Old Dogs having a 4-0-2 record, and the Penguins having a 3-0-2 record. One team could walk away from the night with their first loss of the season.