Penguins Soar!

Walpole, MA - To say that the Penguins season started off slowly would be the understatement of the century. In the first half of the Summer Season, the Penguins racked up so many losses, their dedicated fan base abandoned the team, in order to watch Dancing with the Stars in the hopes of seeing a winner. But that was the first half, and what a difference a half-season can make! In the last five tilts, the Penguins haven't lost a game, moving them off the bottom and into playoff contention in the standings.

Last night the Penguins continued their winning ways and dazzled a sold out crowd with a 5-3 victory over the pesky Spartans. Sean Hickey led the team off as he masterfully slipped the puck past the goalie midway through the 1st period. It truly was a thing of beauty, leaving Wilmont weeping in the stands screaming ‘Why can’t I quit you Hickey!’

Looking to capitalize on the one goal lead, the Penguins sent Mearn ‘The Human Expectorant’ onto the ice. The Expectorant quickly took control of the puck and managed to up-chuck one past the goalie to give the Penguins a 2-0 lead.

Things were looking up for the resilient Penguins until they heard the call from the other bench to 'Remember the Spartans!' This war cry has been heard from the Spartans for the entire Summer Season, and has been used to rally the Spartans to overcome diversity, and brought them to where they are today. The Spartans’ O’Conner managed to score a goal in both the 1st and 2nd periods, bringing the Spartans within one goal off the lead.

Lutfy provided the lead once again in the second period, off a pass from Sean Hickey. The goal proved to be a critical one, as the Gagnon from the Spartans managed to score once again for the Spartans.

With the game on the line, Wilmont tried desperately to support his team by pumping-up the crowd with some nipple tweaking. As the fans went wild, so did the Penguins’ players. Pat Hickey immediately brought the puck down the left side, passed to his brother in front of the net who in turn dumped it off to Tragakis who did all he could do to maintain his balance and flip the puck past the goalie.

"It was magical," stated Tragakis from his locker. “I mean I thought it was magical. Pat Hickey said it was more like an anomaly. Anomalies can be magical, right?”

What happened next was even more magical. Roode 1 channeled Tim Thomas and proceeded to stand on his head squashing a Spartan onslaught. Puck after puck was deflected from the net, marking a spectacular performance, one that will go down in the record books.

“That’s just how I like to play the game,” Roode admitted after the game. “I hope I saved a little in the tank for my Thursday night game with my other team. And just to show everyone my commitment to the Penguins, I’m already looking into a replacement goalie for next week, when I will be playing for my other hockey team. Unfortunately the games are at the same time, but I won’t let the Penguins down! I will find them a replacement for sure!”

With only a one goal lead, Sean Hickey put the game away with his second goal of the night, off of a sharp pass across the middle from Tragakis.

“I dedicate my second goal to Sniper” stated an emotional Hickey after the game, referring to his long time partner on the 1st line. “I make scoring look easy, but seriously, he is the wind beneath my hockey-wings! My little Penguin wings would not flap if it weren’t for that motor-boating son of a bitch! That goal is for you man!”

To celebrate the victory, Mearn sprayed the locker-room down with a fresh coat of stomach acid and bile, much to the delight of his teammates. The unleashing of his innards has become a post-game ritual after a big victory, and the evening’s boot-session did not disappoint.

Next up for the Penguins is a Tuesday night game against The Herd. The Penguins will have their work cut out for them, as they take on a team they have yet to beat this season.