Penguins Continue Not Losing

Walpole, MA – Although the Scorpions recruited countless thugs off the streets of London, the rioters were unable to completely fend off the Provo Penguins. With countless acts of violence and malevolence, the Scorpions had hoped to intimidate a Penguins team that was already missing three-quarters of their defensive unit.

“It was a chippy game on the part of the Scorpions,” admitted Don Farnum, reporter for the NESHL Insider Magazine. “The Scorpions recruited a handful of thugs who had recently been looting in London, however their plan seemed to backfire. The depleted Penguins team rose to the occasion and matched them goal for goal. It was really remarkable how the Penguins were able to play a professional game of hockey, with all the nonsense going on by the Scorpions.”

With the Penguins’ defense on sabbatical, players like Bilbo, Sherwood and P-Hickey stepped-up in dramatic fashion, filling the gap on the defense. Curchin, the lone defenseman who showed-up for the game, was petrified before the game.

“I keep telling everyone I can skate backwards,” commented a relieved Curchin after the game. “But I don’t know why I keep saying that, since everyone can plainly see that I can’t. I can’t skate at all really. I’m just grateful that those guys stepped in, and let me play the brand of hockey I’m used to; the kind of hockey where I totally pinch, and pay little attention to opposing players who are looking for a breakaway. I think it worked out well.”

The Scorpions got on the board first, and put in a few quick goals to start the game. The Penguins in turn answered the call by scoring four goals in the first period, by two of the three partners in the Firm Sniper and S-Hickey. The two members of the Firm were handicapped with Tragakis for the night, but they still managed to keep the Penguins in the game.

“It is not easy to skate when you have a two-hundred pound anchor strapped to your back,” stated S-Hickey during his post-game press conference. “Tragakis is our anchor…not in the positive, foundational kind of way, but more like he was really holding us back out there. I want the defense to come back so I can get my brother back on our line.”

Tragakis, the anchor, did manage to tie the game at 5-5 in the third period, off a deflected shot from S-Hickey. It was the only time in the game that Tragakis did not take a shiv in his back, when planted near the front of the net.

Next up for the Penguins, is a much needed ‘bye- week’, which will give them the rest they need in order make a run for the playoffs with the final three games of the season.