The Old Dogs Say 'Win Is In The Bag'

Walpole, MA – Complete with a disco ball, DJ and a six-hour karaoke competition, the Old Dog hockey team celebrated their victory late into the night at the Dirty Sanchez Bar and Grill. The fact that it was a Wednesday night did not raise any eyebrows, but what did cause some concern in the local hockey world was the fact that they were celebrating their upcoming win over the Provo Penguins. It is the first ever celebration of a victory for a game that has yet to be played.

“To be honest, we don’t see tomorrow’s game as a challenge,” admitted Terry Lancaster, the captain of the Old Dogs, who was on deck to take the microphone for the karaoke. “Some of our guys are busy tomorrow night, so we decided to celebrate our victory tonight. I’m not sure what the big deal is? Tomorrow’s game is in the bag, we will win it, so why not sing a little REO Speedwagon on the karaoke machine, and throw down some punch? What? It’s my turn? Awesome! I can’t fight this feeling anymore…”

This nonchalant attitude is not sitting well with the rest of the hockey community, including Bob Eldridge the NESHL Director of Social Activities.

“It is a common custom for a team to celebrate a victory after the win,” stated Eldridge. “We have never had a team celebrate a victory…before the victory has happened. As much as the NESHL agrees with the Old Dogs, we don’t think it is right to celebrate prematurely. We will be discussing this matter with the team shortly.”

The Old Dogs’ players all wore matching shirts with the words, ‘We will [expletive] the Penguins in the [expletive]! We win! Who dat? We dat!’. Additionally, the barroom walls of the Dirty Sanchez were adorned with posters showing an old dog [taking a bowel movement] on a dead penguin. The focus for the team at the end of the night, was a game of ‘Guess the Score’, where players guessed how much they would win by.

“I’m guessing seventeen to two in our favor of course,” chuckled Lou Mankin, goalie for the Old Dogs. “I’m being a little cautious because the Penguins probably won’t score at all, but I’ll give them the two goals to make it more fun. As for us, I think seventeen goals is conservative as well, but I figured I would take it since everyone else had us scoring thirty or more goals so I thought I would take the under.”

As is customary for the Provo Penguins before a big game, the media was not allowed into the pre-game practice, and no comments have been forthcoming. The only question to be asked now is whether the premature celebration party was just a sign of things to come, or did the Old Dogs celebrate a victory that was never to be? By 9:20pm tonight in Walpole, we will have the answer.