Walpole, MA – The bottom-dwelling Provo Liquor Penguins beat the vaunted Maple Leafs last night at the Iorio Center, by a score of 3-2. The win marks only the third win of the season for the Penguins, but clearly indicates that the team has the league right where it wants it.
“We are like a bunch of raging alcoholics,” admitted Lutfy after the game. “We have to hit rock-bottom before we realize there is a problem. Now that we have done that, we can begin the turn-around that will launch us into the playoffs.”
The Penguins came out strong at first puck-drop, dominating the ice for the entire period, but only managing one goal by Sniper off of a sharp pass over the middle from Sean Hickey. The goal got the fans rocking in the stadium, generating electricity that could be felt throughout the building.
“We switched things up a bit,” stated Tragakis during the post-game press conference. “We moved Dimock to defense and Curchin to offense. This gave us an over aggressive defenseman, and an overly passive offense man. We are not sure how it worked, but it did! We may pull Roode 1 out of net and switch him with Sniper next game. “
Late in the 2nd period, Pat Hickey put on a laser-show of his own, by lifting a blistering shot that left the Leafs’ goalie floundering on the ice. The goal gave the Penguins a 2-0 lead, and the momentum. But as the Penguins tend to do, they let up the pressure, allowing the Leafs to score at the end of the 2nd period, cutting the lead to a goal.
“That is when I started to wet myself,” Roode 1 said while snacking at the Peking Garden late night. “Here I am going the whole night thinking of nothing but how nice it would be to walk away with a win for this team, and I let in a goal. Now I would have been really pissed if it had been the other team I play for, since that is where my heart is, but heck it still bothers me to let in goals. Ah well, it is all good practice for my other team!”
In the 3rd period, Sniper sealed the win with another goal assisted by Sean Hickey. Although the Leafs were able to score one more goal, the Young Gun Line provided too much offense for the Leafs to overcome.
As the jubilant fans vacated the building after the game, one fan remained rocking back-and-forth in his seat long after the lights were turned off, and the building was locked. The fan, which resembled ex-Penguins captain Huevo, who has been stripped of his ‘Hombre’ and ‘Jefe’ titles, remained seated deep into the morning hours, rocking and moaning. Some say he had a sign that read ‘Down with the Penguins! I stopped playing for them, but now I blame them for throwing me off the team! I hate them! They suck! Die! Die! Die! Eat [expletive], and die!’.
By all accounts this sign has the most words of any sign ever brought to a sporting event by a fan. Where the anger comes from no one knows. What is known is that Huevo is a very angry and bitter player considering he put himself on the DL.
Next up for the Penguins is a Thursday night tilt against the Old Dogs, and a restraining order against their former captain.
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