Penguins Win! Controversy Ensues!

Walpole, MA - Amid the joy and elation of a 5-0 win over division rivals, Analog, the Penguins win was once again fraught with controversy. The win marks the first shut-out ever for big Mark Shiavone, who stepped into the net for the first time in his young adult life just twelve games ago. But instead of celebrating with his teammates, Shiavone is allegedly refusing to play for the remainder of the season, until he gets a contract extension.

Shiavone’s current contract runs through the end of this year, and according to our sources, he is going to use this shut-out to push for a contract extension. Having taken the goalie vow of silence, Shiavone refused to talk to reporters after the game, leaving the talking for his agent.

“Desperate times call for desperate measure,” ranted his agent, Terry Mosley. “Shiavone won’t play, until the Penguins pay. The Penguins front-office has continuously brought up his GA, which they are claiming is astronomical. My client’s record speaks for itself. There is no need to go any further back than this last game, which as we all know was a shut-out. We don’t believe the other games truly indicated the performance of my client.”

Although the news of Shiavone’s hold-out put a damper on the celebration, there was still much joy over the laser show put on by the Firm, consisting of Hickey, Hickey and Andrews. The trio lit the lamp 5 times in the game and left no doubt they were a force to be reckoned with.

“A forced to be reckoned with?” questioned Tragakis, after the game. “How about sharing the puck? Those bastards just don’t share with the rest of us, and it’s not fair. It would be cool if they would divvy up their goals at the end of the season and spread them out among the rest of us. At least that way we can all share in the scoring!”