Walpole, MA – The Home for Our Troops (H.O.T.) hockey tournament is a charitable event of the highest kind, but don’t tell the Provo Penguins that. The Penguins began a series of three-a-day sessions, gearing up for the event planned for April 15-17 in Natick. The team entered into some of the toughest training of the year, which began immediately following the announcement of the team’s entry into the tournament. Charity or no charity, no one in the Penguins front-office is taking this event lightly.
“What is charity?” questioned Aleksey Demidov, Penguins Assistant General Manager. “We win or Aleksey put everyone on bus to Russia! Dis’ is Armageddon!”
Although Demidov was immediately fired after these comments, the team is determined to have a solid showing come April, and has even taken drastic measures such as limiting themselves to a 6-pack each of Miller Lite, and a half-dozen doughnuts during their three-a-day practice sessions. The Penguins practices are being held behind closed-doors, under some of the toughest security measures available in the senior hockey circuit. Because of the tight security, everyone is left wondering what they could possibly be doing for the past 36-hours.
“This is some of the toughest training any of us has ever had to endure,” admitted Tragakis, during one of his beer breaks. “But this is an amazing cause. Supporting the brave men and women who have sacrificed so much for our country is the least we can do. If we can hoist the H.O.T. Cup at the end of it, well, that is just icing on the cake.”
If the Penguins want to win it all, they will have their work cut-out for them. Not only are the best teams in America going to be at this tournament, but there are rumors swirling around the Natick Ice Rink, that a celebrity hockey team may be joining the fracas, with celebrities as big as L.B potentially being in the mix.
“Lance Bass from ‘N Sync is going to be there?” screamed an ecstatic Curchin, during his post-practice press-conference. “He’s my fave!!!! I knew he could dance, but who knew he could skate? OMG! What will I wear??
It has also been rumored that the Penguins have taken drastic measures to motivate the team throughout the grueling three months of training. Allegedly, the team has hired the 4-year-old kid who does the imitation of Herb Brooks’ Miracle speech, the one given to the team before the game with the Russians during the 1980 Olympics. The little-fella will allegedly recite the speech continuously for the entire three months, over the P.A. system.
“The kid is good,” stated a weary veteran defenseman, Sean Kenney. “I mean he’s really good. But they are going to have to up our limit to 12-beers a day during practice if this little [expletive] is going to keep this [expletive] going. I’m going to lose my [expletive] mind! Sure it was a great speech, but enough is enough!”
Hockey fans across the globe can do nothing more than contribute to the cause, and wait until the tournament kicks-off in April. The biggest event of the century is only a few months away!
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