Remember The Alamo!

Walpole, MA – Knowing that their garrison could not withstand an attack by the large Mexican Army, the commanders at the Alamo in 1836, wrote multiple letters pleading for more men and supplies in order to fend off the assault. When those men did not arrive, the Texans were unable to fend off the third attack and the Alamo was lost.

History repeated itself last night. The Provo Liquor Penguins entered the ice with only seven players, even though there were twelve confirmed players prior to the game. The Penguins Seven entered the arena against a stacked Herd team, but could only fend off the attack for the 1st period, before being overcome by the sheer numbers, and losing the game 3-1.

“What we cannot understand,” admitted Dr. Samuel Whitley, Professor of Thermo-dynamics, MIT. “Is how the chilly, wintery mix could affect one team more than another? This one has us stymied. Somehow the ½” of snow didn’t have an impact on The Herd, as they showed up with players to spare. Yet somehow five Penguins players were adversely affected, with three of those players not showing-up at all. Could the dusting of snow affect one player more than another?! This one will take some time.”

With the two Hickeys showing up at the start of the 2nd period, and names like Kenney, Youngblood and Bilbo not showing at all, the Penguins Seven did all they could to keep the Herd at bay. But the odds were too much. While The Herd scored a goal in each period, the Penguins were only able to capitalize on one scoring chance with a goal from Sniper who was assisted by Pat Hickey.

“Just because I said I was going, doesn’t mean I was really going to go,” commented Youngblood from the comforts of his home. “What I say and what I do are completely unrelated. Besides, I told you I was going to make a statement. That was my statement!"

The game between these two teams, as always, turned violent quickly, with both teams racking-up the penalties. The Penguins walked away with five penalties on the night, while the Herd walked away with four. Meanwhile, Mark S, the Penguins Mime goalie, stood on his head throughout the game, praying that reinforcements would show.

“I kept looking out through the Plexiglas, trying to see if more players were going to show,” Mark managed to mime, after the game. “Which is why I completely missed those three goals. But this is a new team to me, and I just couldn’t believe the other guys weren't going to show.”

Mark later mimed that he was stuck in a box, to the joy and amazement of the entire team. On another note, both referees seemed oblivious to the egregious Herd play, as it was later reported that they each had family members playing for the Herd.

“Say what you will,” stated the referee who looks a lot like the magician in Frosty the Snowman. “If you have a loved-one on a team, you tend to call the game differently. I’m not saying that we weren’t fair; I’m just saying that we tend to shy away from calling penalties on family members. That isn’t unfair, is it?”

The Penguins Seven must now look at the season differently, as there may be some light-rain in the forecast next week.

“It is a lot to ask of guys to head to the rink when there is inclement weather,” stated Jefe Del Huevo. “I would never ask a player to drive when their tires might get wet, or worse, get a little snow on them. What is weird is that Mearn who is recovering from shoulder surgery, and Wilmot who has a cast on his foot, both managed to get to the rink on time. I wonder if they are impervious to light, misting snow?! Ah well.”