Penguins Tour Update

The Provo Liquor Penguins have officially begun their Angry Penguin Northern North American Tour, and are planning on making stops in six cities, including; Buffalo, Chicago, Des Moines, Rapid City, Miles City and Saskatoon Canada.

Senior Walpole Hockey Insider Magazine’s own Bud Rinkle, has been allowed the privilege of riding along with the Penguins and documenting the tour from the inside out. This is a never before seen insider view of a hockey team on the road, bringing you the sights and sounds along the way.

After missing for seven days the Provo Penguins bus miraculously appears in Saskatoon Canada.

Monday – After more than seven days lost on the roads of America and Canada, we somehow managed to find Saskatoon. The team kicked the referee, Dan Foglepotts off the bus, when he got the bus stuck in a swamp in Oklahoma. Foglepotts had been the driver for the team, and was responsible for one bad call after another, including throwing out the only map on the bus, and incorrectly putting the destination for Des Moines Iowa as Seoul Korea in the GPS.

The team managed to push the bus to solid ground and the tour continued. Unfortunately, there were no roads to follow, only logging trails, and eventually we found our way, after many days back on a highway. As food and water were low, the team had begun foraging for food in the woods. Wilmot shot a squirrel with his new 45 S&W pistol, and the team smoked it over the engine block and made squirrel jerky.

Somehow we made it to Saskatoon, Canada in time for the exhibition game with the Guatamalan Junior Hockey team. Everyone would be elated if they had been eating food. The team is very sorry they were unable to stop and visit with fans in the other cities that had been planned for the trip.

Tuesday

8 a.m. – After 12-hours at the Denny’s All-you-can-eat breakfast bar, the team was feeling better. Only one altercation occurred with the Denny’s wait-staff, when the waiter forgot to bring extra maple syrup for Sniper. Roode 1 snapped and pummeled the waiter, screaming ‘nobody forgets maple syrup for my friend!’ Coach Douchey apologized to management, and Dimock threw an extra $20 on the table to make-up for the broken nose.

9 a.m. – First skate for the team in over two weeks! A few players forgot their skates and rented white figure skating skates. Aside from the malnutrition and lack of exercise, the team looked good on the ice. Unfortunately there were no more pucks, so the team just pretended to pass and shoot – not unlike a real game.

12:30 p.m. – The Guatemalan team arrived at the rink. Come to find out they have never actually skated on ‘ice’ and had only recently been introduced to the sport of hockey in the past month. Taking no chances, Sherwood put on a Gun-Show exhibition in the lobby, trying to stir fear in the hearts of his opponents. The Guatemalan’s asked if he had only recently been introduced to ‘weights’.

2:00 p.m. – Boomer was thrown out of the rink for riding his motorcycle on the ice with spiked tires. One Guatemalan player was killed, and three others were injured.

5:30 p.m. – The team headed back to the bus and began burning incense for the coming exhibition game. Roode 2 wore the hide of the squirel killed in Oklahoma on his head. No on is quite sure why...