Are You Ready For Some Hockey??

Walpole, MA – When you throw two teams from the NESHL’s Lemelin Division onto the ice, it is the equivalent of throwing gasoline onto a fire. But when those two teams happen to be the Provo Liquor Penguins and Analog, it is like throwing a canister made from C-4, which is filled with nitroglycerine onto a nuclear reactor.

On Tuesday night, these two teams will meet to kick-off the Winter Season, and there is a feeling of electricity running rampant across the entire country in anticipation.

“It’s not just fans,” commented Penguins Insider Magazine (PIM) columnist Dan Malone. “This is gearing up to be the biggest sporting event in American history, and everyone wants in! Tickets were sold out in April of last year, and people that have never even been to a hockey game are buying tickets. People have been camped out at Gillette Stadium in Foxboro for the past week, just trying to buy tickets to watch the live broadcast on the Jumbotron. This is crazy!”

With all the anticipation and excitement that has been building, the teams have been preparing in different ways. On the one hand, the Analog team has been on a continuous publicity tour, where the players have been taking part in a three-week ‘Dancing with Hockey Players’ event. The Analog players have been competing in pairs dancing, where players pair-up and compete against each other. The grand-finale is scheduled for Monday night, where the Analog dancers will perform a romantic dance wearing nothing but hockey socks and skates.

On the other hand, the Provo Penguins have begun a series of intense 3-a-day practices, held behind closed-doors. While past practices have been open to the public, the area has been secured by the Walpole Police, and players along with immediate family members are locked in the arena with no access to any form of media. Their only access to the outside world is through a series of Miller Lite trucks that have been rolling in on a regular basis, unloading kegs of beer into the player’s locker-room.

“This is a time to concentrate on the upcoming game,” stated Phat Lyah, spokesman for the Penguins. “From the front-office down to the individual player, there is a serious work-ethic in this organization. The Penguins realize that this is a big game, and they are leaving nothing to chance.”

While the teams are gearing up for the match, allegations in regard to both team sponsors as made it to the forefront of the news. In recent days, the relationship between Analog Devices and the team has been called into question.

“Analog Devices does not actually sponsor the Analog hockey team anymore,” admitted an anonymous source, who is neither close to the team nor to Analog Devices. “Currently, Analog is suing the team for copyright infringement, and will be terminating the employment of all employees on the team. What it seems to be coming down to, is that Analog has not sold any more devices through this sponsorship, and this has ticked off the company.”

With Provo Liquors, things could not be more different.

“Provo Liquors sells more alcohol if the Penguins win,” continued the anonymous, unbiased source. “They sell more if they tie and they sell more if they win. It is a win-win situation for the team and the store. Provo Liquors is a fine establishment to purchase, beer, wine and liquor! Feel free to stop by their store at 282 Dedham St (Route 1A), in Norfolk for some great deals on alcohol! And tell them Andy sent you!”

All eyes turn to the ice on Tuesday night to witness this amazing event, and only time will tell the outcome. There is nothing left but the waiting…