Penguins Troubles Continue

Walpole, MA – Even with the ground-breaking news that the Provo Penguins franchise would remain with their sponsor Provo Liquors (a supplier of fine wines and spirits), the Penguins were unable to overcome the Dead Rabbits in last night’s tilt. With a final score of 7-5, the Penguins continued their frustrating ways and came up short once again. The only good news to come out of last night’s game, is that Roode 1, the star goalie, and Sniper, their offensive juggernaut would be returning from their three-game suspension next week.

“We pulled in Prodanas in the last minute to play goal last night,” commented Penguins coach Douchey, referring to Sean Prodanas who played in net for the suspended Penguins goalie. “He played outstanding for us, but we still came up short. Unfortunately, Prodanas was only used to stopping 60-80 shots a game, and lately for us that can happen in the first period.“

Although the game remained scoreless into the 2nd period, things opened up quickly with goals from Cronin, Youngblood and Wilmot.

“I actually had my eyes closed,” admitted Wilmot after his second goal of the season. “I find if I close my eyes and just imagine some good old fashioned police brutality, it really helps to settle my nerves and puts me into a happy place. The best thing is that I had been using the wrong end of my stick for most of the night, but managed to figure it out just before the puck hit me and went into the net.”

Tragakis and Curchin provided the potency for the 2nd period onslaught by getting the puck in position for these goals, with both getting assists on the night.

“I’m all about sharing the puck,” said Curchin. “I learned long ago, that it is not a matter of who actually scores the goal, but who can look really pretty in a tight, pink leotard…I mean who can actually keep the ego in-check and help others score. I’m all about that. I don’t know why I said ‘pink leotard’ that is just weird…”

In the 3rd period, it was once again all about Youngblood who managed to dazzle the fans with two hard-hitting goals. Unfortunately it was still not enough to put the Penguins in a position to win.

“It’s all about me,” cited Youngblood from the podium during his post-game interview. “I mean it really is. I’m the best. I know I’m the best, the team knows I’m the best, and the fans obviously know I’m the best. Hell, I think I may be better than the best!”

The game was not without controversy however. Late in the 3rd period, the offensive line decided that Tragakis would go in when the goalie was pulled, and apparently the defensive line decided that Roode 2 would go in. Unfortunately, with the vast distance between the two groups on the bench, no communication was conducted and the Penguins were called for a too-many-men penalty.

“This is a big day for me,” commented Tragakis, who was cited for the penalty. “I have been studying every facet of how NHL players succeed in the game, and lately I have been concentrating on Marc Savard. He is a fantastic player. The things he did in Game 7 of the Eastern Conference semifinal series were amazing. This penalty just helps to reassure me that I am doing everything exactly like Marc Savard! I think it is a big win for everyone!”