Hockey Game Ends In Violence

Walpole, MA – Bad blood quickly turned to spilled blood Monday night, during the match-up between the Provo Penguins and their vaunted enemy Analog. The game turned violent in the second period, when Analog’s Cusack was ejected from the game for ‘malicious spearing’ and harassment of the referees. Cusack was furious with the call, and showed his anger as he swore at the referees and left the rink door open upon his departure. It was a childish but effective way of showing his disregard for the game and the call made by the officials.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” admitted Mearniac after the game. “Those guys did not come to play hockey, they came to rumble. It is what it is, but we are a hockey team first, not a goon squad.”

This temper-tantrum set the stage for the events that transpired next. With the scoring getting out of hand, Analog took a substantial 4-1 lead in the 3rd period, and was poised to take the win. However, Analog’s Hall turned a breakaway by Penguin’s forward Sean Hickey into guerilla warfare. After losing his stick trying to catch Hickey, Hall dove into the Penguins player wrestling him violently to the ground. Purely in self-defense, Hickey turned to hold-off his attacker, only to be pelted with blows from the Analog pugilist.

With his life on the line, Hickey held his opponent to the ice, all the while trying to calm him and get him to understand it was ‘just a hockey game’. But Hall would have none of it, and Hickey had to resort to violence in order to protect himself, and ended up showing his attacker who his daddy was.

When things calmed down enough, the referees stepped-in, and began pulling the players apart. This is when Hall made a fateful, miscalculated move by taking a very, very late swing at Hickey, hitting him in the back of the head as he was clearly defenseless. Yet the referees did nothing. With the inaction of the referees, Todd Cronin, who was in goal for the first time, made a mad scramble across the ice. Cronin gave a mighty roar, and pushed Hickey’s attacker to the ground, a move that may have saved Hickey’s life.

“We are here to play hockey,” responded Chris Eighmy. “But if another team chooses to use violence, and scare tactics we will fight back. We would prefer these matters to be resolved by the referees. Unfortunately that did not happen.”

Following the game, referees issued suspension notices. Analog’s Hall got a five-game suspension, and the Penguins players Hickey and Cronin (wearing different numbers during the game) were each given suspensions.

“We will fight this suspension,” claimed Dustin Rhodes, Penguins attorney. “Our players were clearly victims in a gruesome, violent attack by Analog. They were acting purely in self-defense, and somehow the blind-eye of the officiating just threw both attacker and victim into the same bucket. It is wrong, and it is a sham. We will not rest until Hickey and Cronin’s names have been cleared! We were hit by terrorist tonight, but we will not be scared. We are Americans! We fight for freedom! We do not run and hide from terrorist hockey players!”