Wrentham, MA – With thoughts of a broken clavicle, broken collar bone, torn ligaments and torn bicep, running rampant in Ryan Roode’s mind, the worst of all scenarios surfaced to the top after a medical exam at Boston General Hospital early this week. Roode II was diagnosed with a bruise.
“After a series of x-rays, CT-Scans, and a number of other tests unfortunately the results are now in,” commented the Penguin’s team doctor, Doug Stone. “Mr. Roode has suffered what is known in the medical world as a ‘bruise’. You can tell this by the slight discoloration around the shoulder, which is a clear indication of a bruise. This is often known as an ‘Ouchie’ or a ‘Boo-Boo’ to the lay-person.”
After limping off the ice during a playoff game, Roode II was unable to lift his arm, or walk under his own control after getting bumped from the side by an Eagle Brook player. The ‘bump heard around the rink’ was followed by his so-called ‘friend’, who is a nurse racing to his aid. After a quick exam of the ‘Ouchie’, she signaled to the ref that he was done, and helped change him out of his equipment, and into a beige-colored leisure suit to sit out the rest of the game.
“We did not know what to think at that point,” responded Lutfy, who did not attend the playoff game, and didn’t send so much as an email to indicate he was cheesing-out. “I mean I wasn’t there and all, so I wasn’t really thinking much about the fact my team was in the playoffs skating with what turned out to be seven guys. Who got hurt? In retrospect I should have showed…ah well! There’s always next time, although I may not show then either!”
With Roode II down and out with the boo-boo, the Provo Penguins were forced to play the final two periods with seven players. At the end of the day, it was not enough to overcome the solid effort put on by the twenty Eagle Brook players.
“When you are skating with such small numbers, every player counts,” chimed in Hombre Del Huevo from his home in Plainville. “From where I stood on the bench, it looked like the fella’s were getting very, very tired out there. I figured that if Roode II was injured, it would have to be life-threatening for him to leave the game. Apparently, the boo-boo was pretty yucky.”
Yucky may be a slight overstatement of the bruise. Although his shoulder appeared to be slightly darker in color than the rest of the area, 4-out-of-5 doctors could not see a difference and diagnosed him as a hypochondriac.
“Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy,” screamed Roode II, sounding like the hurt Nancy Kerrigan after being clubbed in the knee. “This boo-boo is as bad as a splinter or a stubbed-toe. If my nurse friend didn’t hold my hand and blow on the boo-boo I might not be here today…I mean, I’d be here, but I might not be talking to you right now since I would not be hurt…has anyone seen my binky?”
Dr. Stone expects Roode II to make a full recovery, just as soon as ‘he stops whining long enough to realize it is just a bruise for God’s sake’. Hopefully this will be sooner rather than later.
“All I know is this,” replied Bilbo, who also missed the play-off game. “If his bruise is as bad as my sniffles, it’s no wonder he left the game!”
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