Walpole, Ma – In an unprecedented turn of events, the Eagle Brook hockey team has threatened to forfeit the upcoming playoff game against the Provo Penguins. This would mark the first time in league history that a team has threatened to forfeit in the playoffs.
“This is absolute bull-[expletive],” commented Mike Rotch, Eagle Brook General Manager. “We are NOT taking Curchin in a wager. We are not taking Curchin on the team, as a water boy, or as a mascot. If this wager is not called off, we will be forced to forfeit the game.”
Rotch was visibly upset by the recent wager made by the Penguins, to trade Curchin and a case of beer to Eagle Brook before the game…for nothing in return. It is the first time in NESHL history that such a wager was made.
“We are willing to sweeten the offer,” responded Penguins attorney, Phil McCracken. “The Penguins will throw in more beer, and would be willing to substantially assist Eagle Brook financially if they take Curchin. We are doing the Penguins a favor, and in turn, giving Eagle Brook beer and money…oh yea, and Curchin. We are shocked and chagrined that Eagle Brook is not more receptive to a friendly wager such as this.”
According to McCracken, there is a league mandate, where once a wager is made, the other team has within 24-hours to make a counter wager. It has been over 48-hours and no counter-wager has been made.
“There is no mandate,” stated Phat Phooker, Eagle Brook attorney. “Who the hell is coming up with this [expletive]! Since when can a team force a player onto another team’s roster? They can’t! This is highway robbery, and we will not take Curchin! I am one pissed off Phooker!”
Curchin was last seen wearing an Eagle Brook Brew Crew t-shirt, but refused to answer questions until his roommate let him back into his apartment.
“Look,” said Curchin’s mom. “I would be willing to sweeten the pot too…if you know what I mean. Someone please take my little ‘urchin’ and let him play! Hickey…call me!”
The league must make a final ruling on the wager before noon on Sunday March 28th, so the team forced to take Curchin can adjust their roster in order to accommodate him.
“The way we see it,” replied Boomhower, Penguin veteran. “Eagle Brook has a 75-man roster. What is one more guy going to do? They can bury him in their roster and not even know he’s there. We on the other hand only have twelve guys… he sticks out like a sore-thumb for us…I mean he is incredibly gifted and Eagle Brook would be really lucky to get him!”
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