FORT LAUDERDALE — Chris Roode, 26, was found naked and beaten on the side of the road, by a motorist in the Florida Keys at Mile Marker 22 of U.S. Route 1. Discovered disoriented and confused, Roode is now at the Fort Lauderdale Hospital recovering from injuries suffered during an altercation. According to sources, Roode who works for "free" up and down the east coast, had taken a job with a mango farmer. Apparently he asked his newest employer for his salary, and the man allegedly beat the crap out of him and left him for dead on the side of the road.
"I guess he's not a very good hockey goalie," said one witness, Burt Shaw, 47. "He couldn't stop one shot the guy threw at him."
Roode, of Wrentham, Massachusetts, had gone south for a vacation with his girlfriend when he realized that he actually needed 'money' in order to travel. Contacting his landscaping boss from Massachusetts, Roode was given the name of Rick Gomez, a mango farmer from Florida.
"I told him, 'He won't pay your salary either' " said his landscaping boss, Douglas Flemons, who gave him Gomez's name. "I haven't paid him in months, so I figured he enjoyed not making money. Gomez hires illegal aliens, and doesn't pay them either."
Roode now plans to sell himself for sex on Craig's List, in order to get home.
"Who doesn't want a washed-up hockey goalie, with a limited memory from excessive concussions," Roode stated from his hospital bed. "It's a win, win situation. I get to ride for a few miles, and some lucky guy gets a joy ride with the Roodster!"
Meanwhile, back in Walpole, Roode has been replaced with Mike Lewis, a former AHL goalie. Although it is thought to be a short-term fix, there is concern that Roode might not be back for a long while.
"I'm sleeping on the top bunk now," chimed in Roode's brother, Ryan. "I also lie naked, with nothing but his goalie equipment on, when I go to bed. Dad always liked him best. Well guess what?! I'm the goalie now mother [expletive]!"
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