Penguins on a 1-Game Winning Streak!

Walpole, MA - If you were to ask John "Youngblood" Tenaglia, who is the best player on the Penguins team, you would get a resounding 'me'. Unfortunately for those of us who live for a good opportunity to hammer-down a fellow teamates ego, there is no denying after a resounding 4-goal night, that Youngblood (aka. Snaggle-tooth), is surely the Walpole Great One.

"Yeth," Snaggle-tooth lisped, through his broken teeth. "I'm tho happy to be on the ithe and thcoring goalths. I am the greateth in the world!"

Although no one understood his words, they surely understood the impact of his play on the ice. With Hickey and Cronin moving to San Francisco, where gay marriage has been legalized, Snaggle-tooth stepped up his game and provided the fans with a goal scoring exhibition.

"We'll be back," a saddened Cronin said through tears. "Let me and Hunky-poo legalize our relationship, and consumate the living-[expletive] out of it for a few months, and we'll be back. I scored a goal too you know!"

With the words of 'I can't quit you' ringing from his lips, Cronin snapped one past the goalie in the third period to give the Penguins a 5-goal lead, and the win. No one knows if the words were intended for Snaggle-tooth or Hunky-poo, both of which glared at each other across the ice when they heard the words, resulting in a bitter feud between the two men.

Roode II had two assists, and Sherwood and Lutfy also contributed with assists on the night. A surprise assist came from the Penguins goalie, Chris Roode, as well, which also contributed to some tense moments in the locker-room.

"That time it really was number thirty-seven," shouted Curchin. "I know I yell number thirty-seven all the time, but that time the assist was mine. I mean, seriously. How does a goalie get an assist?"

With the press and management in full-force in the stands, it proved to be a great night to stop the 4-game losing streak. The Penguins now enter into a bye week, and will have plenty of time to practice and hone their skills on the ice.

"We are in the hunt," Eggman confirmed after the game. "We are in the playoff hunt, and this time it's personal. We are losing two of our best players, leaving Curchin to play on the first line by himself. Awkward, yes, but we know he can do it. It is time for all of us to leave the walnuts behind, and take our game to the next level."