Walpole, MA - Against all odds, the Provo Liquor Penguins defeated the Maple Leafs for the first time in two seasons. Both teams squared off at Iorio arena in front of a packed crowd, with 'standing room only ' tickets available at the door. With the crowd chanting 'Penguins..Penguins..Penguins' at nearly every touch of the puck, the Penguins rallied early and often, beating the Leafs by a resounding 4-0 score.
"This win is the greatest win of our lives," admitted Eggman during the post-game press conference. "All week we had to listen to the Leafs players running their mouths, and we bided our time. It is our job to execute on the ice, not with our mouths."
The Eggman was referring to comments by Leafs winger, James 'Buddy' Lawler, who commented that 'it would be a cold day in hell, when the Penguins would beat the Leafs'. Additionally, he added that the Penguins 'are a bunch of losers who should be moved to division 'F' hockey'.
"My words were a bit strong," Lawler commented from his home. "But when you run the league, and you hire the referees....well let's just say we had a lot going for us in this game. Unfortunately, when you get spanked by a score of 4-0, there isn't much a referee can do to help your team out."
The scoring started in the first period, when Curchin took a feed from Eggman to finally score a goal.
"It has been a long time coming," responded Curchin to his critics. "I haven't scored a goal since I got my new gig at Burger King, so its been over two-months. I nearly pissed myself I was so excited."
Curchin added another three assists on the night. Goals also came from Dimock, Youngblood and the Eggman who was celebrating his 30th birthday on the ice with his teamates. Mike Mearn ended the evening with a +23 rating on the night, with 17 assists and puking in the barrell six times while on the bench.
Not to go unmentioned, Roode I, didn't miss the train either, with his second shut-out of the season.
"I love you guys," ranted an elated Roode in the locker-room. "I only suffered one concussion on the night too! Where am I?"
Tragakis continued to use his head as a battering ram, sending his opponents into fits of rage. At one point, Youngblood stepped in to put an end to the excessive violence following one of the head-butts.
"Youngblood scores goals," asserted Youngblood. "Youngblood makes assists. Youngblood also gets into fights. Youngblood is an All-American hero waiting to get his nipples rubbed by one lucky lady later tonight."
All in all the Penguins put in a solid effort back-checking, fore-checking, and just plain checking. Next up are the Scorpions who had this to say after they watched the game.
"Die you American scumbags," shouted Ali Ballicker, the star Iranian hockey player for the Scorpions. "We will wrap our turbons around your skates and surround you in a cacoon of horror! JIHADDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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