Boston, MA - To the employees at the Boston Aquarium, the site that greeted them on Sunday morning could only be described as 'gut-wrenching'. When Aquarium staff opened the doors in preparation for the throngs of weekend visitors that were soon to arrive, they stumbled upon the torn and mutilated bodies of five penguins, which were found strewn across their holding tank.
“I’m at a loss for words,” stated Aquarium supervisor Martha Bubbar, while holding back tears. “In all my years, I have never seen anything like this. I’m still in shock, and hope that the people responsible for this atrocity are arrested as soon as possible.”
According to on-site surveillance, ten men, all wearing hockey helmets and carrying hockey sticks, broke into the Aquarium around midnight. On video-tape, they can be seen jumping into the penguin tank, wreaking havoc on the poor birds. One of the penguins, affectionately known as ‘Provo’, put up a solid fight for over forty-minutes, before succumbing to the sheer numbers. Little Provo defied all animal logic, by actually taking his own life, when he knew there was no chance of winning.
“Little Provo took out two of the men, and nearly flattened two more using some form of penguin karate,” reported Bill Custer, Chief of Police. “It was like the movie ‘300’. He was a lone Penguin fighting against all odds. When the little penguin realized his fighting was futile, he managed to climb to the top of the Aquarium tank. All the while the ten perpetrators were chasing after him, brandishing their hockey sticks. With a final look back over his shoulder at his attackers, Provo took one step forward and calmly jumped to his death. Gutsiest move I’ve ever seen to be honest with you.”
Amid the killing spree, the men painted images of scorpions on walls and tanks with red paint. The red scorpion appears to be the logo of a Senior Hockey team.
“We believe that this is a hockey related incident,” continued Custer. “The helmets, hockey sticks, images of scorpions, and the words ‘we will kill the Penguins hockey team on Monday night at the Iorio Arena’, which was written on the walls using hockey tape, all seem to point to a hockey related incident.”
Players for the Scorpions hockey team refused to answer questions for the police or the media, but the Captain of the Provo Liquor Penguins had this to say;
“This is an atrocity to the animal kingdom, and to our team,” Chris Eighmy commented from his home. “Instead of taking it to the streets and seeking retaliation, it is up to our team to step forward on the ice, and give it our all for little Provo. The police can seek legal action for what these men did. We must prevail on the ice!”
It is a known fact that the Scorpions have relied upon Russian female Olympic hockey players, all of which have been banned from international play due to excessive steroid use, to help their team win. The incident at the aquarium, along with the use of illegal Russian skaters, marks a turning-point in the history of the NESHL.
“This is a dark period for sure,” remarked Larry Keebler, NESHL historian. “In the old days, there might be some edgy, chippy play on the ice. Now we are seeing animals being slaughtered just to intimidate another team. All I have to say is ‘Go Penguins’!
This statement was posted on the Provo Penguins office door, and says it all:
“Our hearts and our prayers are with the friends and families of the dead penguins. Our team cannot let this band of thugs destroy the animal kingdom or old time hockey! Go Penguins! Do it for little Provo!”
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