New NESHL Policies

Walpole, Ma - Due to excessive violence on the ice, the NESHL has instated new policies for the league. According to the LHR (League of Hockey Referees), which covers the NESHL, the games have become battles of 'testosterone', and have become too dangerous. In at least one report, the teams in the lower C/Upper D level have resorted to acts of aggression on the ice, and in some cases fighting, which as resulted in anything from a game misconduct to a suspension.

"We have gathered enough information over the season, to take this matter seriously," responded Phil Recdum, spokesman for the NESHL. "Some teams have lost their way, and we are no longer seeing competitive hockey during the games. The competitiveness has been replaced with near-gang violence, which has to be stopped."

According to the league report, a general 'lack of skill' has resulted in these acts of violence. Although no names were mentioned by the league, all teams are currently under investigation.

"There are players that act like they are going to fight," explained Lou Schitz, LHR President. "But actually don't want to fight at all. These players are for the most part just venting. But recently the violence has shifted from opposing players to the referees, where there have been actual death threats during the games. One concern that is being investigated is '37' which appears to be a gang related sign."

The report indicates that during some of the games, the number '37' has been shouted at the referees each time they near an unspecified team's bench.

"It is frightening actually," confided one referee who wished to maintain his anonymity. "One minute you are watching the puck, and ensuring clean game conduct, and the next minute you are being yelled at...including having the number '37' shouted at you. I'm not sure what it means, but if I had my guess it must be a gang thing for 'death to any referee who looks like the magician from frosty the snowman'."

The NESHL will provide a ruling on these allegations by early next year, but in the meantime has instated new policies around teams.

"We feel it is in the best interest of the league to foster a healthy team rivalry," added Recdum. "But we want to encourage friendships on and off the ice."

In order to achieve this, the NESHL has begun moving competing teams to adjoining locker-rooms during game night.

"By sharing a bathroom before the game," Recdum continued. "And taking showers together after the game, we think players will begin to form different opinions of each other. Our hope is that the teams will become closer. If need be, we may end up instating a mandatory 2-man to a shower-head policy during post-game showers. We will do whatever it takes to keep the violence to a minimum."

Jacques Douchey, Penguins coach, was unavailable for comment however his office posted this statement on Doucheys' website.

"Please stop contacting us in regard to the Probo Pelicans."