Schedule Tampering Screws Penguins

Walpole, Ma - In a blatant attempt to take the Provo Penguis out of playoff contention, the NESHL neglected to provide an accurate game schedule for the Penguins. The result being that a game scheduled for tonight, was not on the Provo Penguins schedule. There was a single game listed for the 'Provo Whalers', a team that does not exist, for tonight against Eagle Brook. However, the full Provo Penguins schedule has this week listed as a bi-week.

"This is [expletive] ridiculous," exclaimed an irate Egg-man. "First they go after our blog, and now they purposely screw-up our schedule. This is a blatant attempt of trying to keep the Penguins down."

Schedule tampering has long been suspected in the NESHL, however NESHL spokesman Jim Lawler, refuses to take the blame.

"There is a simple solution," Lawler explained. "The league has always recommended that individual players analyze the team schedules for every team in their division, and then utilize some simple regression modeling algorithms which would then determine any scheduling gaps. This would provide a near-complete picture of their schedule. I say near-complete, because the players should also incorporate the schedule's for teams that don't actually exist in ANY division, such as the Provo Whalers. If the Provo Penguins had done this, they would know that they have a game tonight. Make sense?"

Although only the NESHL could accept this explanation as viable, the Penguins are scrambling to pull the players together to battle with Eagle Brook tonight on the Olympic rink.

"I was supposed to go see the Twilight Saga: New Moon vampire movie tonight, with my daughter," admitted Bilbo. "I mean we were supposed to go together, but she had plans, so I was going to go...I didn't want to change plans just because she could not go. Besides every adult male should go see this movie!"

Whether the Penguins will have a full team or not is yet to be determined. As of now, only two players have responded to the emergency text.

"I knew all along that we had a game," Kenney said, during a recent phone conversation. "I've been using the regression modeling technique for years now, but had not applied it because someone always calls me when we have a game. I thought everyone was running these models to figure out the Penguins schedule!"