Foxboro, Ma - Playing to a packed arena, the Provo Penguins took their game to the next level when they faced-off against the vaunted Iceholes at the Foxboro Sports Center Monday night. With a strong international following, many of the Penguins fans began chanting; Funf! Funf! Funf! (Five! Five! Five!) in German, as they watched a young Sean Hickey put-on another exhibition, scoring five goals by the end of the night. The five-goal night was just one of many multi-point games for the sixteen year-old.
"I wanted to get one goal for every facial hair I have," remarked the Penguin's very own 'Great One'. "I thought I had five hairs, but washing my face after the game I realized one of the hairs was really just a smudge from the chocolate pudding I had for lunch. I might start shaving soon, so it is exciting either way!"
With NHL scouts in the stands, the game became very 'chippy', very fast. Early in the 2nd period, Tragakis found himself double-teamed in front of the Iceholes net.
"It was a lot like prison," Tragakis admitted after the game. "Although I think they are gentler in prison actually. One of the guys on the Iceholes kept yelling at me to watch my stick, meanwhile both his and his teamates sticks were lodged in my ass. I did what any person would do in a prison-rape, I fought back!"
Tragakis found himself in the penalty box, his first of the season, and was seen smoking a cigarette after the event. From the penalty box, he had a good view of the score-keeper, who was knee-deep into what appeared to be a crack-pipe, which may explain the five-minute delay in starting the penalty clock.
With their starting goalie Roode I out of the game in order to complete his sex-change operation, Ryan Curchin stepped into the net for the Penguins for the first time this season, and managed to hold the Iceholes to just three goals.
"That is how I roll mother-[expletive]," gloated the stand-in goalie Curchin. " Next week I'll bring my referee outfit, and some glasses, so that I can step in and make some calls if that is what is needed. After this past game, they did not seem to be calling much anyway, so it can't be that hard!"
Tragakis and Cronin also contributed with goals in the game, and the stoned score-keeper inadvertantely neglected to write-in the other goal which brought the final to 8-3. Many players also contributed with assists, including Youngblood, Cronin, Eighmy, Kenney and Mearn (pronounced Mern) and big Matt Dimock.
All in all it was a solid showing by the Penguins, who donned their new jerseys for the game, which are the only 'white' jerseys in the league...or they are one of only seven teams that have white jerseys.
The team was visibly excited and appreciative of the new uniforms, with many remarks on the new jerseys including:
- Why didn't you get yellow jerseys?
- We should have gone with the Pittsburgh Penguins colors.
- Who stitched the names on the back? They suck!
- How come the numbers are crooked?
- Are they all this tight?
Stay-tuned for more to come, when the new home-jerseys are presented to the team next week.
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