Jersey Debacle of '09 Update

Medway, Ma - In what can only be termed a 'series of unfortunate events', the Provo Liquor Penguins will face one of the biggest challenges of their lives. This challenge is to overcome what is potentially the biggest, most inane blunder in screen-printing history. With less than four days until the Penguins face-off against the Iceholes, the Jersey Debacle of '09 continues to run rampant and remain on the front-page.

With a recent visit to the screen-printers, it was determined that the Penguins Logo (picture a very mad and angry Penguin), was inadvertently put onto the 'back' of the jerseys, and the names and numbers were put onto the 'front' of the jersey - ultimately, this completely cross-engineers the world of hockey uniform standards.

Additionally, the small number size that was to be used on the shoulder/bicep area was used 'throughout' - so the numbers are 3" tall on arms, sleeves and fronts of the jerseys.

If for some reason you can overlook all these blunders, it should be noted that NONE of the colors match the jersey colors, and were not what was ordered or requested. So while the colors were supposed to be black and gold, they are green and lavender, making the final product a complete disaster.

Unfortunately, the screen-printing materials are permanent, and cannot be removed without ruining the jerseys. Since the screen-printer would only print the jerseys upon full-payment, the team is stuck with these jerseys or must come up with another $1,000 to replace the mess currently sitting in a box in Medway.

Here are some excerpts from a recent conversation the Penguins had with the owner of the screen-printing shop, who we will call 'Dom'.
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Penguins: This is not at all what we ordered, how could this happen?

Dom: Well you did order the jerseys

Penguins: Yes we ordered the jerseys but this is a complete [expletive] mess. Aside from the jerseys we ordered online, you have completely messed up this order.

Dom: This stuff happens. You can't get upset about little things like this.

Penguins: [long pause] Little? You call this [expletive] little? We can't use these [expletive] jerseys. No one can skate in these jerseys, they are completely backwards.

Dom: You do skate backwards from time to time don't you?

Penguins: [death threats, much swearing] Is that supposed to be funny?

Dom: No, not funny, just the truth. Look, I can take $5 dollars off the entire bill for your mistake.

Penguins: My mistake?? Are you [expletive] kidding me? How about I shove those [expletive] jerseys up your [expletive] [expletive] !

Dom: Fine than I won't take $5 dollars off the purchase....

Penguins: You can either replace the jerseys or we will have the entire team here to boycott your store and let others know what you have done.

Dom: It won't be the first time that has happened. We had a team that was supposed to be the 'Beavers' and we accidentally put a giant 'Banana' on the front. This stuff happens. In any case the police won't let you near my store. At least they didn't let the Boxford Bananas...or...Beavers near the store when they came by.

Penguins: You must die!

The interview was cut short when one of the Penguins players had to restrain the other Penguins player from causing bodily harm. The latest news from the Medway Police Department, is that the screen-printer was going to sue the two Penguins individuals for defamation of character and threatening to 'kill, mutate, [expletive] destroy' his person.

Stay tuned…and keep your Whalers Jerseys handy!