It was a tough sports day in New England. While fans across New England were mourning the Red Sox loss, coupled with the Patriots loss, all remaining hopes lay with the Walpole Whalers. The Whalers, who went into game 3 at 1-1 on the season, hoped to put a crooked-number in the win column, but instead had to settle for a tie.
"What can you do?" Shrugged Mearn (still pronounced Mern), seasoned center for the Whalers. "It's like kissing your cousin - it's better than not kissing anyone, but on the other hand it is your cousin. In my case, my cousin is hot...but enough about her, the tie is better than a loss that is all I'm trying to say."
One of the keys to the tie was that Coops Bar and Grille II had a coach...seriously...they had a coach! The coach remained on the bench for the entire time to strategize with the team...seriously.
"I was coaching the 'D' level for the past couple of years," the Coops Bar coach remarked. "To be pulled up to a D+ level so early in my career is truly an honor. I like to think I help these guys out, giving them advice such as 'Don't fall down', and 'Shoot on that net'. Stuff they can really use."
The Whalers on the other-hand, remain with a player coach design with the Egg-man at the helm. Coach or no coach, the Whalers saw production from the 'young gun' Sean Kickey and surprisingly a self proclaimed 'coast to coast' goal from Ryan Curchin, his first on the season. Both goals came in the first period.
"Please call me the 'Uno'," the player formerly known as Curchin said. "If there is an Ocho Cinco, I can be the 'Uno'. On my coast to coast goal, which was probably the BEST goal I have ever seen...well, I didn't actually see it, because I was just trying to pass the puck and I'll be damned if it didn't go into the net! It was AWESOME. The Uno was on FIRE."
Coops Bar and Grille II managed to tie the game up in the 2nd or 3rd period depending on how you read the score sheet, or if you can read the score sheet at all. We think it was the 3rd period. Despite taping hockey stick blades to both skates, Tom Sherwood was unable to pickup his first goal of the season to take the lead, and the game ended knotted at 2-2.
There is growing concern that the Whalers are overly distracted with on-going sponsorship talks, with Provo Liquors. Additionally, Roode II, the usually quiet older brother to Roode I, was also plastered...and could not stop talking for the entire game....and after the game...
"Why do they call it reverse discrimination?" Roode II questioned. "Besides the blog needs work. Have you guys seen my brother? He umped 27 games today. Anyone that touches my brother dies...only I can touch my brother...but not in that way! Does anyone else think the new Penguins logo is scary? It is a scary penguin if you ask me! I'm soooo drunk!"
Roode II also managed to fall down...a lot. Another concern is the increasing number of injuries to the team. Egg-man is recovering from a yak knee transplant, Mearn (yup...still pronounced Mern) was severely beaten at the Peking Garden, and Big Sean Kenney donated both of his lungs to the Children’s Hospital.
"I thought I would get a pair of lungs back," Kenney had to write on a piece of paper because he had no lungs. "The good news is that little Timmy has my lungs, and I'm hoping to get at least one back for next game."
But the list of concerns does not stop there. Here are just a few of the other concerns for the Whalers:
1) Bilbo didn't show after being beaten by mob boss Pierre Dupont...and he still does not have the damn jerseys!
2) Lutfy was found this morning, naked and confused at a truck stop in New Jersey
3) Cronin still has not paid for the season, and has threatened to play for another team. It is assumed he will play half a year for free with the Whalers, and leave to play for the rest of the season for free with another team
4) Youngblood continues to give advice to Tragakis, who only picks up a few key words like "you", "situation", "over there", "from now on", "blue-line", "boards", "got it?"
All in all, the Whalers have a lot to prove with their upcoming game against Eagle Brook next Monday night, and it should prove to be an epic battle.
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