Rivalry Turns Dangerous

Saturday Oct 3, 2:18 pm ET

WALPOLE, Ma. – On Wednesday, September 30th, the Walpole Whalers skated to their first win of the season, beating the Icebreakers with a score of 6-3. One key player,
Mike Mearn (pronounced Mern), was not on the ice that night. What the team did not know, was that Mearn was out of the game due to an altercation, that occurred at the
Peking Garden, on Route 1 in Foxboro.

"I've never seen anything like it," commented one witness, Lucy Peterson, who was dining at the restaurant on the night of the incident. "One minute this guy comes in,
and the next thing you know he is surrounded by 15 guys all wearing Maple Leaf Hockey jerseys...I didn't think he stood a chance."

Peterson was referring the events that took place on the night of Tuesday September 29th. According to the police report, Mike Mearn (definitely pronounced as Mern), entered the restaurant, wearing sunglasses, a tie-dye shirt, and smiling, and acting 'very hungry and happy'. When he sat at the bar, he was immediately approached by what appeared to be 15 players from the Maple Leafs hockey team.

"The little fella didn't show any fear," Bob Horton commented. Horton was also at the bar. "In comes the little fella, all smiles and looking like he'd had a few drags off the ole' pot pipe, if you know what I mean. He sits down and asks for a 'butt load of grub'...those were his exact words. Next thing you know he is surrounded by a gang of ruffians wearing Maple Leaf's hockey jerseys. They asked him a few questions and next thing you know, they challenge him to a fight...15 against 1 for God's sake! What I'll never forget is what the little guy did next."

According to the bartender, Jim Ling, he had never seen anything so brave in his entire life. Mearn proceeded to jump onto the bar, kick the pile of bottles that he had consumed at the men, and shouted;

"I'm a f'n [expletive removed] Whaler hockey player, mother 'bleepers' [expletive removed] - I've tagged more babes than a hundred men, and I've drank more beers tonight than you slimy sons of bitches could drink in a year. The next Maple Leaf mother [bleeper] that so much as scratches his nut-bag is going to feel the wrath of a Whaler hockey player!!!"

What happened next is based on testimonial from numerous witnesses at the bar. Mearn ripped his shirt from his body, showing a 'Whalers Pride' tattoo across his chest.
Next, he pulled out two hockey skate blades from his back pockets, jumped into the air (seeming to freeze in mid-jump according to at least two witnesses), and with a mighty war-cry, proceeded to tear into the band of Maple Leaf players that surrounded him.

"The Maple Leaf players all had hockey sticks," one witnessed admitted. "But the Mearn fella, just wouldn't stop. He was num-chucking their asses, yelling the whole time
'Never mess with the Whalers'. It was unbelievable. His entire torso had tattoos of Whales, and Whaler Hockey, and Death to Anyone that Messes with the Whalers. I for one was impressed with his loyalty to his team."

According to testimonials taken after the incident, Mearn managed to take out 10 of the 15 Maple Leaf players, only to be brought to the ground when they proceeded to chuck full kegs at him from behind, when he wasn't looking. When the police and the ambulance finally arrived, the Maple Leaf players were nowhere to be found. According to the police report, a semi-conscious Mike Mearn uttered one thing before being carted away;

"I may not skate tomorrow night, but I will see them on the ice on October 5th...WHAAAAALERS!!!!!!!!!!!"

Mike Mearn (not Meern, but pronounced Mern) was taken to the hospital for treatment, and was unable to play in the season opener for the Whalers. It has since been reported that Mearn has spent every night since leaving the hospital, sleeping at center ice of the Walpole Iorio arena, with candles and incense burning all around him.

Additionally, at least four local tattoo parlors have indicated that they have put more Whaler tattoos onto Mearn’s body. One tattoo allegedly says only ’10:10’. This number coincides with exact game time for the upcoming Whalers / Maple Leafs match-up. All eyes now turn to the game on Monday October 5th at 10:10pm, what is being termed a ‘Night of Reckoning’ by the local hockey fans.