BOSTON -- The Provo Liquor Penguins men's hockey team has been invited to play outdoors at Fenway Park in December, a few weeks before the ballpark hosts the NHL's New Year's Day Winter Classic between the Boston Bruins and Philadelphia Flyers.
This would also mark another unprecedented event as well -- the first NESHL hockey game to be played outdoors without alcohol.
"Wait a [expletive] minute," a shocked Penguins defenseman John "Youngblood" told reporters. "No alcohol? You can take that weak ass [expletive] out of my face, beatch! I haven't skated sober in…well, hell I've never skated sober, this is [expletive] ridiculous!"
In addition, the team would be responsible for paying a huge sum of money in order to play.
"So let me get this [expletive] straight," an angry Egg-man commented. "They invited us to play hockey at Fenway Park, in order to get the ice ready for the Winter Classic, and they want us to pay a [expletive]-load of money to get in? They are about to make a huge amount of money on college and the NHL games, and they want to rape our asses? What the [expletive]! How about I invite you over to my [expletive] and charge you money to take a [expletive] [expletive] [expletive], you son of a [expletive]"
"What Chris means to say," explained Penguins attorney Az Munch. "is that we are very excited to play hockey at Fenway Park in this once-in-a-lifetime event."
"That's not at all what I meant to say," raged Egg-man. "I meant what I [expletive] said. They are trying to rape our [expletive] asses, mother [expletive]! And I am sick of this [expletive]…."
According to the NHL, they have never heard of the Provo Penguins and in their words "could not give a flying [expletive] as to what dumb-ass team pays money to play at Fenway, just as long as a boat-load of dumb-ass teams pay the money so they can get money from the teams and the ticket office, and rape their hockey playing asses."
"That's what I'm [expletive] saying, beatch!" Egg-man continued.
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