Amid growing concerns from the team of doctors at the Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital, Whalers Captain Chris ‘Egg-Man’ Eighmy may be out for the season. On his way to his car after the game, Roger Campbell, a rink employee, attacked Eighmy in the parking lot with a crowbar. This egregious event is being deemed the ‘cheap shot heard around the world’, and it left Eighmy screaming ‘Whyyyyyy’ before passing out in the parking lot. An hour later a witness found him lying unconscious, and called for an ambulance.
When he woke-up he found himself in the hospital and was unable to bend, move or use his leg in any manner.
“I knew something was wrong right away,” remarked Eighmy, from the room phone in the hospital. “My knee had a contusion the size of a grape-fruit on it, and I was unable to move or put pressure on it at all.”
After numerous x-rays and a knee scope, it was determined that the ACL had been torn and the knee-cap had been shattered into over 75 pieces. It was also determined that he no longer had cartilage in the knee, and that all tendons and muscle had been destroyed to the point where there was no hope of repair. But the Whalers Captain is refusing to see the injury as serious.
“I’m just grateful it isn’t worse,” the injured player remarked. “Hell, he could have really hurt something and I could have been in big trouble. I’m just happy to be here right now, and I’m gearing up for surgery, so I can be back on the ice for the playoffs.”
Doctors warn that at best, Eighmy may be able to put ‘light’ pressure on the knee sometime in the next 15 years. And more than likely, he will need a walker, and the ‘I’ve Fallen and Can’t Get Up’ device, strapped around his neck.
“I’ve seen hundreds of knee injuries over the years,” Dr. Vah Gina indicated during a press conference. “On a scale of 1-100 with 100 being incredibly severe and near death, I would put this at a 500. The Egg-man may never skate again, and will be lucky just to be able to skate in circles with his one good leg.”
In the hospital, Eighmy has been seen with Curchin’s mom, who was wearing a Bruins negligee and has not left his bedside since he was checked into the hospital. It was also rumored that Zdeno Chara, from the Boston Bruins, stopped by to offer his support and to give him a light sponge-bath. All in all, the Captain seems to be in good spirits.
“It sure is strange,” he admitted. “But so is the fact that Curchin’s Mom has been so attentive to my every need. I am really hopeful that I will be back on the ice soon, but at least I’ve got that going for me.”
The ‘cheap shot heard around the world’ is now being reviewed by the police. Arena surveillance tapes may show more than previously thought. Sources close to the organization have indicated that this may not have been as simple as it appears. According to at least one source, there are indications that Youngblood masterminded the hit much like Tonya Harding did to Nancy Harding with her ex-husband Jeff Gillooly. This source also indicated that there may be evidence of Youngblood paying Roger Campbell money, in the arena bathroom to make the hit (or for sexual favors, no one is quite sure).
“Youngblood is jealous, plain and simple,” explained a source that requested his identity remain private. “Egg-man can skate. He can move. Hell he can out-shine anyone on the ice. If you ask me this became too much for Youngblood to handle, and he called a hit on egg-man’s knee. Let me spell it out for you – Youngblood just doesn’t have what it takes to be on the same ice as the Egg-man, and he paid for some goon to take him out.”
Youngblood was unavailable for comment.
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