Todd Cronin, once a prominent star player for the Walpole Whalers, is now on the 'outs' with the Whalers Organization. After taking the past summer season off, Cronin expected to just slide back in to his old position on the team. However, it is not that easy, says a source close to the organization.
"Bullshit!" exclaimed the source, who wished to remain nameless. "It's my jersey, damn it! He can't come in here and take my...I mean it's "some" guys jersey. I don't care if it is his name on the back...it's mine now...besides I'm only eighteen years old - I have a lot longer to live that that Frigg’ in bastard! I'm young and I can skate...screw him!"
Other sources close to the organization also requested anonymity in their response; however, one player had no qualms in addressing the issue publicly.
"Todd Cronin?" Questioned long-time Whaler favorite, Sean Kenney. "Who is Todd Cronin? We had a guy on our team a long time ago that used to skate with us...but I don't know a Todd Cronin anymore. He left our team, and he swims with the fishes as far as I am concerned. If he even shows his face at the arena I will crack his skull with my stick!"
Cronin, at one time had been the face of the Whalers Team, when he skated to three consecutive Lawler Trophies, and an NESHL MVP in his final season with the team. Many rumors have surfaced over the past year on his departure, although none of them have been validated. Among those most prominent, were:
1 - Cronin suffered from AVD (Acute Vaginosis Disease) which affected his ability to skate after drinking a case of beer and smoking an 8-ball of crack. Unfortunately, he had never skated any other way, and this led to his release from the team
2 - Cronin lost all three of his testicles in a bizarre knife juggling accident while doing a juggling act for money at Faneuil Hall, and was never the same on (and off) the ice (note: it was confirmed by his doctor that he had been born with three testicles)
3 - Cronin left a pair of Bruins pajamas in the locker room one night after a game, only to return one day to find them being worn by another player...after a heated fight, he left the team...and a secret locker-room relationship
4 - Cronin was so good, he actually was training with the Providence Bruins, with an expected outcome of being moved to the NHL come the start of this season
Whether any of these rumors are true is unknown, what is known is that Cronin is now being shopped around by his agent for other teams.
"My client is good," Ben Schumann, Cronin's agent said during a recent press conference. "Three-nuts or No-nuts Todd Cronin is the best player the Whalers Team has ever had. He can skate drunk, he can skate sober...hell for some of the players on that team, just lacing their skates is an issue. My client will call the shots from here on out, and whether he ultimately plays for the Whalers or another organization is his choice."
Todd Cronin had been quiet until recently, when we caught up with him at a local Pub in downtown Walpole.
"Todd Cronin skated his ass off for that team," he exclaimed, referring to himself in the third-person. "All Todd is asking, is for the a-hole that is wearing his jersey to hand it over. When Todd wants his jersey, Todd gets his jersey...or Todd walks."
With the season opener scheduled for tomorrow, Wednesday September 30th, this could all come to a head sooner rather than later. The Whalers Organization and the NESHL have refused comment up until now, but come tomorrow night - silence will not be golden. Ticket sales are already lower than anticipated, with many Todd Cronin Fans protesting the season opener until a decision has been made. One man's t-shirt said it all ~ 'Bring back Cronin, or Go F yourself!’
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